


I've No Language Left to Say It

by TornThorn



Series: Alone With You [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Found Family, Hints of future Fjord/Clay, Spoilers, Tags to C2Ep98: Dark Waters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23038015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TornThorn/pseuds/TornThorn
Summary: Caduceus knows death. He's grown up with it. It's never been a surprise, merely an eventuality. But tonight- tonight it hurts, in a way it never has before.(Pink cow man is Not Okay.)
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Fjord & Beauregard Lionett, Fjord & The Mighty Nein
Series: Alone With You [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1641526
Comments: 2
Kudos: 84





	I've No Language Left to Say It

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently this is gonna be a regular thing? Also, I'm leaning into the Fjord/Clay. If that's not your cup of tea, fair warning as of now.

There is a single moment, when Fjord's body is lying there, at the end of everything. That mobile face is still, the warm eyes are empty, and his green skin is cold.

Caduceus knows death. He's grown up with it. It's never been a surprise, merely an eventuality. But tonight- tonight it hurts, in a way it never has before. And there is that one second of thinking, _If I had gone home with my family, I wouldn't have seen this._

And then he is righteously furious, at these creatures who ambushed them while they slept, on the safe haven their ship has become. He reaches out and does everything he can to make these enemies as dead as they've left his friend.

He is irrationally furious at Yasha for blocking his way further onto the deck, keeping him from reaching Fjord sooner. He can't look at her, knowing he will glare, that she doesn't deserve the blame she would see in his expression.

He is tremendously furious at himself, and shaking like a leaf in heavy winds as he stumbles over to stand above the body that held Fjord's soul mere minutes ago. He should have been faster, should have tried harder, should _not have thought it would be easier on himself if he wasn't here_. Caduceus' fear, his panic and pain are not important. Fjord is important. 

(But it would be so much nicer to never know, never have this picture stuck in his head, a chest carved open and blood everywhere…)

Jester is next to him, quiet and shocked. Beau is already there, the corpse's head in her lap, while Caleb kneels slumped beside her, arm around her shoulders. They are both crying.

Yasha stamps on the body nearest her and storms over, Veth finally reaching the deck and staring around in shock before rushing closer. "Is that- _Fjord!_ " She rushes over to Caleb, just the right height to let him lean his weight against her from his spot on the floor.

And Caduceus tries to remember how this works. He's only ever heard stories, never actually tried to bring someone back. Jester has done it, and as his mind is engulfed in a heavy, emotionless fog, he wonders if he even _can_ do this.

 _You need to_ , he thinks. _Put yourself aside. You aren't what matters here. Pull yourself together and do this_.

He pulls the gem out of a pouch at his hip, then leans down and places it at the top of the still chest, above the gaping wound, and leaves his hand resting over it. He opens his mouth to call on the Wildmother and- falters. Stutters.

She should have helped.

It's the wrong thought, unhelpful and mean spirited. He needs her, in a way he never has before, to fix this. He should not think of her this way, should not put mortal motivations on a goddess. But the anger rushes back in, burying the shock, sweeping aside the blank, empty feeling like a wall of fire, burning in its wake.

She should have helped. Fjord has pledged himself to her, turned to her to escape the evil creature who sent these beings after him. And she wasn't there.

"Caduceus?" It's Beau, still holding the body, hands clenched around the cadaver's shoulder and waist, tears still streaming down her face, looking like someone who has seen this before and is afraid to hope.

"Right. _Right_ ," he nods, pushing everything out of his head except the single thought, _This has to work. Please, please let this work._

And then he casts.

**Author's Note:**

> This series continues to be unedited before I throw it up on the internet. Title is from Foreigner's God, by Hozier.  
> Also, that fjucking happened. See y'all next Thursday.


End file.
